Easier said than done.

Changing and allowing God to lead is a lot more difficult than I originally anticipated.

It's not even necessarily the distractions of the world that have hindered my growth that I so desperately needed. It's me. I've been so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings that I've neglected to recall the purpose of my time alone these few months.

If you don't feed yourself what you need to get to where you desire to be, the devil WILL, without fail, find ways to lead you away from where God wants you to be. An idle mind is Satan's workshop and there is more truth in this than I ever initially recognised, hearing this as a child. My thoughts and mind have wandered and I appear to be no further along than when I first wrote about needing to change my outlook on life. And I need to thank God once again for his continuous patience with me. Feeling myself run in place is as frustrating as it must be for others to see and for God to see.

I didn't intend to be stuck here for this long and I'm desperately looking for a way out. But there's no escape for my mind. I need to pray. That is the only thing, I believe, that will eventually free my mind from the foolish things I've fed it with.

Rochelle ♥

Let God lead

Life consists of choices and decisions and when we leave God out of those, we leave room for the enemy to come in and confuse us, often times leading us down a very bad course. Accepting God's will and direction can be difficult, especially when it is unclear to you where he is directing you but in the end God's way always leads to happiness and more importantly life. Accept where you've gone wrong and move forward, on the right path. Allow God to lead. He knows what he's doing, far more than we do. While it may be too late for me in this instance on this particular part of my journey, I take responsibility for my mistakes and accept the consequences. I know what will be will be God's will and as I closer this chapter of my life, I know whatever comes next is going to be God's choice, rather than mine.
♥ Rochelle .x

Start Again

Start again. Don't be afraid to start again. If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of where you are, how you're living, where you're headed. Just begin again.

I've made SO many mistakes in my life and the last couple of years I've been headed on a downward spiral. I've lost my love, passion, happiness and general love for life.

Being a Christian it's easy to believe we must always be happy because we have joy in Jesus but sadly I've even lost that. I've strayed so far from myself, what I know, the things that would have kept me from falling deeper into the dark abyss, that I fear there's no point of return. And that is scary. I've allowed the negative experiences that I've had to go through, to keep me from getting back to my equilibrium. I've allowed them to change me and manipulate my character rather than move past them and now they're consuming me. I'm in a place no Christian should ever have to find themself in.

My insecurities have led me to a shocking place and now I'm waking up. I may have gone too far but the point is that I'm now aware of how far I've gone and I thank God for showing me before I digressed further than I already have. I'm waking up to the reality that I despise where I am, how I'm feeling and the things I'm doing to try and compensate for my unhappiness.

Enough is enough. I can choose to continue in this decline or try and change it around. Nobody else can make that decision but me. It starts with ME. And so I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to take the time to become reacquainted with myself. I need to rediscover that inner peace. The harmony of body, spirit and mind. I need to get back to God.

The only time I've ever felt real peace was with God and I maintain that you can NEVER experience the true meaning of peace, love and happiness, without being in love with and knowing God. It may prove to be difficult because of the distractions of the world but I'm past the point of caring about those things. I need to get back to myself and God. That's all that matters. The world has nothing to offer me. All it brings is chaos and turmoil and it's brought me to where I am today. God is all that matters and only God can save me. And so, I'm taking a break from everything I've surrounded and buried myself in. It's time to face my problems and issues and tackle them head on. I'm going into recovery and that my friends, is both a brave and courageous decision to make.

I'm choosing to let God make my life right again. No distractions. Nobody. Just Me and God.  I'm ready.

Rant about Those Guys ...

This is just something I need to get off my chest...

To those guys that only want one thing,

Some of you man seem to only want me for what I cannot provide. For the very thing I refuse to give. Do you realise how rude that is? And the worst thing is,  I've never given any indication that it would ever be on offer! It's not. Nor will it ever be, unless you are the man who has taken me to the altar. He'll deserve it. And still, no matter how clear I make it - it's still all some of you seem to want. I don't know how I attract these kind of guys. The kind that just want sex. Like, what is it about me that makes you think I'm giving it up? The colour of my skin? I don't even look like a 'typical mixed race girl' as they seem to stereotype it as these days. Though what appearance has to do with character, I don't know. Or maybe it's just because I'm short you all think I must be stupid. Well I'm not. And anyone else who wants to befriend me in an attempt to secure the V? Don't even bother. Rue the day you waste my time tryna get from me what God intended for my husband only.